I cockslap morals
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
