can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
