how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
