Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Be still, my beating vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
