remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
