the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
