i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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