uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We are two peas in an std pod
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
