I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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