oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's blow job season.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
