At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
