umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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