I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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