is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and she was petting her beer can
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found the puke drawer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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