my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
