Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
