i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
