wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
