..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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