booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
