Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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