I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
