I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Less talking, more tequila
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
