so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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