all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
