Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
