My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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