is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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