oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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