I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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