You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
