I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
