i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
