Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
