The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
