How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
