If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
