Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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