does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
