mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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