cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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