he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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