Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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