can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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