So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
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