I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
