he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
