Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
