Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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