Acid is not a monday night drug
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
