walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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