Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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