he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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