Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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