I want to stick my p in your. b.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
