Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
