wat bout pragnant strippers??
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
