Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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