She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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