Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your cock deserves a montage
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
