Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The air was thick with penises
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
