I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
