Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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