It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
