Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
