I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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