there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
