The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Be still, my beating vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
