Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
