Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
