Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
