yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
and you fell through a lawn chair
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
