Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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