So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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