he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
