this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
