i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
