Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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