We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
