I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
